Do you have unfinished business with someone that’s weighing on you but you can’t see a good way to talk to them about it?
You know there is an option of mediation but that seems kind of formal and daunting.
Maybe you’re wondering if you’ll have to make do with things as they are except thinking about the other person is costing you a lot of nerves.
Deep down, you’re probably longing for resolution but you know you’d need to feel really safe to attempt it.
Negative words/emotions can have such a detrimental impact on you. Also, there’s no way you’d wish to compromise on your truth.
Gentle Reconciliation Process offers handholding as you find your way to mend a rift with someone in your life.
I can help you get clear about your needs in the situation and to contact the other person gently, by email or letter.
When you receive a reply, I’ll help you make sense of it and of your emotions and to write back.
I’ll be there with empathy, second opinion and editing help until there’s positive progress for you.
Is this programme for you?
This format may be the right fit for you, if you answer “yes” to most of these questions:
- Are you looking for reconciliation or to respond to an intense email/emails?
- Is the prospect of exchanging intense words rather stressful for you?
- Do you wish to feel compassion for yourself and the other but are not there yet?
- Is it important to you to dialogue in a way that’s kind but also honest?
- Might it be more doable for you to express deep truths by writing instead of speaking?
- Would you benefit from time to digest what the other person has said before responding?
How does this format compare to others?
There are many paths to reconciliation. You can propose a live mediation or someone can be a messenger between you. If you manage to keep your heart open to the other person, reconnection can happen spontaneously.
Where Gentle Reconciliation Process excels is in providing a very doable way forward for people who struggle with tension, conflict and overwhelm.
There are many understandable reasons for this struggle.
People who have rich inner experience know only too well that there is a big difference between the intensity that’s bubbling inside and what’s appropriate to say to the other person.
In this format, there is extra time to process before you express, so you do it cleanly.
In live conversations, you may be experiencing so much empathy for the other person, that you don’t get round to saying what’s important to say for YOU.
With Gentle Reconciliation, you get championed to see and speak your needs as well.
If you experience strong disappointment/frustration about your unmet needs, you may inadvertently put the other person off where you need them to move towards you.
I can assist you to express what you need kindly and simply to help the other person reconnect with you as you reach out to them.
All in all, here is an opportunity to put something to rest and have gentle care and companionship as you do so.
I guarantee these results on completing the process:
You can have a clearer insight into your relationship with the person you wish to reconnect with and compassion for both your and their experience.
You can be happier in yourself about this relationship and feel more open towards that person, whatever it is that disconnected you.
You can experience more peace about that person, however they respond.
Nobody could guarantee that the other person will reply to your writing or be able to connect with you. They are an autonomous being. They might not be ready to experience dialogue when you are.
However, reconciliation is VERY LIKELY if you and the other person wish for it deep down and the main problem has been the means to achieve it. Most people haven’t had a chance to learn how to repair connection when it goes sour.
Human beings long for connection where it’s been severed, even those who sound off against it.
With support and encouragement in the process, you CAN discover and express your deep truth to do with that person and also receive them, what they have experienced inside.
The other person longs to be received and respected just as much as you. You have that in common because all human beings have that in common. And we open where we’ve been received and accepted.
How long does it take?
This process is by its nature highly individual because it depends on the time you have available to give it and also on the speed of response from the other person.
As you can imagine, the nature of the rift plays a part too. There’s a difference between reconnecting after some words that hurt and healing after a longer, more complex rift where a lot of time has passed and a number of painful behaviours occurred.
That said, connection is at the heart of life and healing happens in an instance, as soon as there is a change of heart.
How much will it cost?
Obviously, you’ll want to have clarity about the time and money the process will take.
We’ll set these parameters together, after we’ve explored your priorities and considered what kind of energy you can dedicate to it.
I’ll suggest the number of sessions you’re likely to need and a way to review progress as the agreed block of sessions nears completion.
Any individual sessions we agree on will be priced at the discounted, block-session rate I offer online at £55 per 90 minutes.
To give you an example of the duration of a reconciliation processes I supported, the ex-partners (see testimonial in the right side column) took about a year.
There was kinder, collaborative response from the father right away after the first email we crafted together. We had about 6 sessions in total and I supported the content of 4 or 5 key emails that were sent.
The mother-daughter reconciliation happened over 5 years or so. In this case, contact was not available for the bulk of the time but the emotional support for the mum in the interim held her steady so she could allow the timing that was doable for the daughter.
We had about 7 sessions altogether and there were about 4 reconciliation letters I supported emerging, alongside spontaneous mini communications that took place in between.
Obviously, there are no rules about the time two hearts will take to reconnect but a heart does melt a bit each time it is spoken to kindly and without agenda.
What handholding could you experience?
Again, this process is customised for the individual I’m supporting. Depending on your needs, you can experience the following forms of support:
empathy/soothing for your experience throughout the process
help understanding the baffling, frustrating and painful
assistance in expressing your truth in a way that can reach the other person
sessions to check in with progress, get inner clarity and choose next steps
short calls/email support for calming, encouragement and editing
What media would we use for sessions and to write?
I offer sessions online, on the phone and in Bristol, UK so please choose the channel that’s most doable for you.
For the reconciliation writing, we’ll edit drafts using email or Google Docs.
For delivering your words to the person, I suggest you use the medium that’s most accessible to them and doable for you (typically snail mail or email).
How can you decide if I’m for you?
I would like you to check out what kind of support I give before you decide anything. There are three risk-free ways to do that:
“As we learn to speak from the heart,
we are changing the habits of a lifetime.”
Dr Marshall Rosenberg